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1/3/2020 WE NEED TO STOP TELLING PLUS-SIZE INFLUENCERS THAT THEY'RE GLAMORIZING OBESITY BY EXISTINGRead Now
I couldn’t help myself in writing this post even though, by the time you’re reading this, the post that set this off in me is several weeks old.
I came across a post that included a quote from Jillian Michaels who said that we shouldn’t be glamorizing obesity, but we should be inclusive of everyone. To me, this statement makes absolutely no sense.
​Because I have yet to see a large group of influencers encourage their followers to pack on the pounds to be pretty, valued, or worthy to society. As a matter of fact, I’ve seen much more of the opposite. I’ve seen the promotion of eating very little, following KPOP idol diets, and so on. I’m not saying that there aren’t people who say that eating more means you’re more beautiful. There are fetishes for that specifically. However, it is not a thing in society.
​In the music world, everyone gets up-in-arms when Lizzo wears an outfit that shows her butt cheeks, but everyone is cool with Nicki Minaj or Cardi B twerking with her cheeks out because they’ve got fat in the “right†places. They’re all completely fine with the Kardashian/Jenner family walking out in sheer clothes where you can see everything. But not when Lizzo does it. Absolutely not!
As someone who aspires to be an influencer, I’ve personally gotten several comments on different social media about my size, all of which is attached to content like this where I call out the haters who are mad that one of my videos blew up. I won’t lie, there is WAY more acceptance now than there used to be. However, people have called me “delusional,†“part of the problem,†and more for simply saying that one person’s existence is not glamorizing being overweight or obese.
A lot of people claim that eating healthy meals is rather affordable, but it depends on the size of your family and your income. If you can buy enough to make spaghetti for five people vs. a high-protein and high-veggie meal, you’re going to be eating a less healthy meal.
​Can you live a healthy lifestyle when you aren’t making much money and don’t have a lot of time? Yes, if you work super hard. Because you’re still going to be eating that boxed meal, and you’re going to have to sacrifice time you use to make money for time for your workouts.
I myself am going to be trying extra hard to lose weight for my health, not for my looks. However, I take comfort in knowing that I will never ever change or feel ashamed of my body because Jillian Michaels told me I should. I will not stop trying to be a positive influence on a bunch of people because Michaels told me I would be glamorizing obesity by being a blogger who happens to be plus sized!
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Black Friday is a week from today and, I’m hoping with the foresight to write this a week early, I can deter you from going out and shopping like mad. So, here are some of the reasons why I don’t think Black Friday is really worth all of the effort you have to put into it. IN A LOT OF CASES, YOU’RE BEING DOOPED
On top of that, some of the items that go on sale at dirt cheap prices tend to be from companies that no longer exist or old stock that has been deteriorating in the storage room. Others may include laptops that are dirt cheap but only have basic capabilities. Really check into the deal to see if it is worth it. A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SERIOUSLY INJURED OR HURT
One was when I was a child and we went to Walmart to get one of those really old box computers that were really cool at the time but are nothing compared to the technology we have today. The second was one year when my brother and I went to Walmart to get my mom a sewing machine that was on sale. They were selling a gaming system at the time and people were fighting and cursing at one another. IT FORCES RETAIL WORKERS TO WORK WHEN THEY SHOULD BE WITH THEIR FAMILIES
I know, also, that working retail is a choice just like any job. However, most people work retail. You wouldn’t want to have to walk away from your family, why should they? YOU GET PRETTY GOOD DEALS ON CYBER MONDAY Cyber Monday was first observed in 2005, almost 15 years ago! Thanks to the invention and cultivation of the internet, more and more people are selling goods and services online. Cyber Monday deals are great because you can shop from the comfort of your own home without having to go out in the cold or potentially be hurt by some random crazed shopper.
11/11/2019 "OK BOOMER" IS NOT A SLUR. CALLING IT ONE UNDERMINES THE SEVERITY OF ACTUAL SLURSRead Now
We have what are called “racial slurs” which are words or phrases used to demean or lessen the value of people of varying skin tones (which is crazy stupid by the way). It makes me chuckle a bit to see that members of the Baby Boomer generation consider a term that literally says “OK” paired with their generational name is a “slur.” “If you’re comparing the ‘badness’ of two words and you won’t even say one of them, that’s the worst word.” – Comedian John Mulaney
Some will say “Millennials are always on their phones and they want everything handed to them” or “These Gen Z-ers are so disrespectful.” However, every single time I’ve heard the phrase “OK Boomer” used, it has been used to shut down insults like these from specific Gen X-ers and Boomers who are being insulting and rude. It has never been applied freely to the entire generation, but only to a few. Saying “Boomers will never understand…” is NOT an insult or a stereotype. I can’t understand what it’s like to be a Boomer or a Gen X-er either. I have some people who fit that description in my life, but I can’t experience what it was like for them. AN EXAMPLEHere is a prime example. I saw someone from an old church we went to who shared this on their Facebook timeline. It took everything in me not to say “this is part of the reason we left your church.” I hesitated in including it because I don’t want to fuel the views for this. However, if you read the YouTube description, it says that the video is a parody that was meant to show church leaders that they should look past Millennial stereotypes and look toward the unique potential Millennials have. I didn't know this at the time because I saw it on Facebook and followed the link onto YouTube after watching and commenting. Regardless of the intent, I think the video is in poor taste. This church had to know that people would take this stereotype and run with it. This was my comment on the video: “I don't know if I'm more shocked that this even exists or if I'm shocked that a CHURCH created it. The sad thing is that the church shouldn't stereotype anyone, and all of the Millennials I know are not like this whatsoever. Please keep in mind that your generation raised Millennials, gave Millennials false hope about getting good jobs (which is now resulting in fewer enrollments at colleges and universities), and that the economy is NOTHING like what it was for you. Also, as you said, Millennials are going to be future leaders. Instead of making these rude videos, maybe you should be kind and see how you can help them.”
I then mentioned that everyone who had commented or laughed at my comment was in the Boomer or Gen X populations, which was evident by their profiles. Another man who was obviously much older and in the Boomer population said “grow up it’s funny but so true.” To that, I said “OK Boomer,” because I really didn’t want to hear it. I felt my initial comment was fair and kind. Another man said “Spoken like a true Millennial.” My response? “Why thank you! It's funny how someone can tell me to ‘grow up’ and insult me because of my age, but when it happens to them, they lose their minds! Love that for you. Best of luck in your future." These specific people were committed to misunderstanding millennials and didn’t even want to try to help. They just wanted to continue to push these ridiculous stereotypes.
Calling this phrase, a slur seriously diminishes the magnitude of other slurs that are still being used, almost exclusively by members of the Gen X or Baby Boomer generations.
I’ve always said: “Stereotypes are just commitments made to intentionally misunderstand people.” Quote me on that.
Next time you see yourself stereotyping a Millennial or Gen Z-er (or if you’re in one of those generations and you start to stereotype all Boomers or Gen X-ers) watch your words. We should all be open to honest conversations about our work and its state. No one should be dismissed for being “too young.” That’s not how this works. We are all citizens of the world, and we should all have a say in how it runs. 9/9/2019 THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL MATURITY, AND EACH TAKE MEN FAR TOO LONG TO REACHRead NowIt’s pretty much an accepted fact that men mature at a slower rate than women. However, I think most people would agree that studies on this indicate social maturity is what psychologists are talking about in these studies. But today, I want to talk about emotional maturity. Women get such a bad reputation for silent treatments and arguments when a lot of the time, it boils down to emotional maturity, usually on the side of the man. Before I get too far into this, I want to make it clear that I don’t believe every man is emotionally immature. There are several amazing guys who were taught or learned emotional maturity. I know a lot of them. But I know and have experienced far more men with a lack of emotional maturity. I will be saying “men” as a general term in this post. Just know that I am aware that not all men are this way, but a lot are. This post is for them and for women who feel the same. THERE IS A REASON WOMEN ACT THE WAY WE DO
Why do we do this? Because we don’t understand how you don’t see what’s wrong. Men are not emotionally mature enough, for whatever reason, to read body language and cues from their female pattern, but they can tell when a friend is getting frustrated or another guy is about to swing on them. How does that make sense? If a man says something is a rude tone and the woman gets quiet, doesn’t answer, or turns her attention away, how can a man sit there and ask “what’s wrong?” Before I was married, I dated a guy who lived across the state line. He was obsessed with video games. I would drive hours to see him only to sit beside him while he played games. He would often ask “what’s wrong,” and I would tell him “I drive forever to see you just to sit here and watch you play games.” Why did I need to tell him that? He should get that. Now, are there girls who will get mad for dumb reasons? Sure. Sometimes we see lack of concern for big things, so we get heated over the little things in hopes of stressing the importance of handling issues as they arise. WHERE DOES EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY COME FROM?
It goes even further. Dads treat their sons much differently than their daughters. Dads view their daughters as princesses (most of the time) and will stop the world if they are hurt. But when boys are hurt, they are told the “toughen up.” This just perpetuates the expectation of the macho man. Men are also expected to be emotionally tough. Men often don’t smile in pictures because it “makes them seem weak.” They don’t want to talk about their feelings. To all of these men, let me tell you something: your partners aren’t happy. Unless they are like you, they aren’t happy.
As a semi-influencer (a name I've given to myself since I don't have a huge following but have been blessed enough to work with some brands), I've had the opportunity to receive free products in exchange for a review. While I always tell you my true feelings about the products or services I'm given, I'm not all that convinced that everyone does. Today, I want to share a few reasons why I think product/customer reviews aren't always reliable today. 1: MISINFORMATION FROM INFLUENCERS
I think a big reason why influencers do this, especially with a bigger brand, is because they don't want to have any bad blood, especially in the beauty industry. Then you have people like Jeffree Star who gives reviews on big makeup brands and shares his opinion, regardless of how it will reflect on the brand. Sadly, though, there aren't many reviewers like Jeffree who will slam Kylie Cosmetics to millions of followers (see below). 2: PEOPLE TRYING TO MAKE IT AS AN INFLUENCER
In today's world, everyone wants the dream job of being a YouTuber or blogger. Getting to do what you love (creating content) and getting paid for it is the dream. However, this can cloud some people's judgement and cause them to leave positive reviews in hopes of working with the brand later. I want to stress that I wouldn't do this. If I try a product and it is awful, I will tell you! I wouldn't want to pay any money, let along $40-$60 for a product that didn't have good results. But, I do know some influencers who simply want to make good press for brands so they have a future with them! Brands don't want fake reviews, yet influencers do it. Go figure. 3: YOU CAN PAY PEOPLE TO REVIEW YOUR PRODUCT
My response is always "I don't feel comfortable writing a review about a product I haven't tried for myself." Luckily, freelance isn't my only job. But for someone who makes their living off of writing, they might not pass up the chance to make good money writing fake reviews. And obviously, since the reviewer hasn't tried the product, there is no legitimacy in their review. CONCLUSION AND QUESTION OF THE DAYThese are only a few of the reasons why the customer review is losing its power. I think more can be done if websites will add "verified purchaser" or indicate if someone was gifted a product to review. However, a lot of people won't stop to look at that. They want a quick answer and five positive reviews might be the answer they can get the easiest.
For the question of the day: how important are customer reviews to you? Given the information in this post, will you pay more attention to them next time you shop online? 8/26/2019 4 REASONS SEXISM AGAINST WOMEN EXISTS AND HOW YOU CAN CHANGE IT ON NATIONAL WOMEN'S EQUALITY DAYRead NowMen and women aren't treated equally in pretty much every country in the world. In fact, in some countries, women are treated as second-class citizens who aren't even allowed to get an education. Today is National Women's Equality Day. I regard myself as a feminist. I am someone who believes in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes. I think everyone should hold this belief. Please go into this post with an open mind. I do bring up some points I've heard from very conservative speakers and give my thoughts on them. 1: WOMEN ARE EXPECTED TO DO EVERYTHING I find myself incredibly lucky, partially because I chose to be with someone who doesn't push the narrative that a woman needs to be the one who not only bears a child and raises it, but takes care of the house and likely has a full-time job as well. A lot of women do much of this work by themselves. That's not to say that a father doesn't change his child's diaper every now and then.
It's been perpetuated in TV, movies, and in real life. The man comes home, grabs a beer, and flips on the sports channel while the mother is rocking the baby, praying that the touchdown celebration doesn't wake him/her. Don't get me wrong. If I had a life where I was capable of being a stay-at-home mom, I'd do these things without protest, although I would want some time to myself after taking care of the house and children all day. But some don't share that desire and very few can afford to live a single-income lifestyle. 2: WOMEN DO GET PAID LESS THAN MEN
Personally, I would rather spend time with my kids than working my way up the ranks of a company, but that isn't entirely true for everyone, and it isn't feasible for most families in this day and age. Women are constantly told that, because we bear a child, it is our responsibility to raise it and nurture it. We are pressured by society, some by our partners, and by our emotions. It takes two to make a baby, so two people should be raising the baby. I do see why pro-choice advocates are so upset by this. Men don't want a say in how a baby is raised until it comes to the choice of abortion. Then they say "it is half my child, so I should get a say." If there were that much concern by men in the first place, there may be fewer abortions. Anyway, I have the same human urge to move up the ranks in my job as any man. Maybe more of an urge. But, if my husband made more than me and someone needed to stay home to be with the baby, I would be expected by society to leave my job for a few years without question to take care of the child. 3: WOMEN ARE POWERFUL BUT ARE CONSIDERED WEAKER
But because of the whole muscle mass thing, women are always viewed as weaker. We get terms like "you throw like a girl" or "you fight like a girl" hurled at boys and men in our life and it is an insult. These things are taught at a young age and no one thinks anything of it. It just adds to the sexism that already exists in our nation. 4: WOMEN ARE CONSTANTLY SEXUALIZED
I like to use hashtags like #prettyandplussize or #bigbeautifulwomen on my photos in hopes of inspiring other plus-size women to build their confidence. However, I usually end up getting an inappropriate DM or comment. Another thing I remember is being followed around in Walmart by a guy who asked if I "wanted to come over to his place." And before you ask, no, I wasn't wearing anything low-cut or "sexy." I was wearing a t-shirt, basketball shorts, no makeup, and a messy bun.
HOW YOU CAN BREAK THE SYSTEM
I wanted to share something that happened to me a week or so ago and try to give you a sort of snapshot of what fat people wonder when they are fat shamed by complete strangers.
This is a topic I'm really passionate about and this is the understanding I have both personally and from the plus-size community that I've been a part of. I'm not meaning to "speak" for others who have had a different experience, but I think most can agree that this is what happens in our heads.
​So, I decided that I wanted to make this explanation post to get out into the open some things we fat people want others to understand:
1: WE DON’T BELIEVE YOU “CARE ABOUT OUR HEALTHâ€
2: WE FIND SOME OF YOU VERY HYPOCRITICAL
3: WE AREN’T ASKING YOU TO LIKE US
4: WE DESERVE EQUAL PRAISE FOR EQUAL
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I cannot tell you how many times in my life that I’ve accomplished something amazing and shared it with friends, only to have someone share a different (equally as amazing) accomplishment and give praise to someone who is substantially smaller than me.
I work super hard to do the things that I do. I also strive to be supportive to all of my fellow creators. |
I would never want someone to take praise away from anyone for an accomplishment. All fat people want is to be validated as much as skinny people are validated.
And don’t give me that “you should validate yourself†nonsense. Have you ever asked a friend if your makeup looks good? How about asking your partner if your outfit makes you look “fat?â€
As if you don’t own a mirror.
Everyone, and I do mean everyone, is in some way concerned with how they are perceived. If you don’t think so, then you’re either very enlightened (kudos) or you’re lying to yourself.
And don’t give me that “you should validate yourself†nonsense. Have you ever asked a friend if your makeup looks good? How about asking your partner if your outfit makes you look “fat?â€
As if you don’t own a mirror.
Everyone, and I do mean everyone, is in some way concerned with how they are perceived. If you don’t think so, then you’re either very enlightened (kudos) or you’re lying to yourself.
5: WE DON’T GET WHY YOU CARE SO MUCH
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Caveating off of the first point, why do you care? You have no personal stake in my life, so why do you care what my size is?
Unless you’re sitting next to me on a plane or in a crowded bus, my fat is none of your concern. Half the time, airlines make fat people buy TWO SEATS to make other passengers feel comfortable. |
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Recognize that privilege, especially when so many fat people didn’t MAKE themselves that way. Imagine having to pay double for a flight because you’re bigger. How is this still OK?
I do want to say that, in situations where fat people are in a packed area, most of us try to be courteous as best as we can. I have requested to move seats on an airplane when it was open, chosen to stand rather than sit on a crowded bus or subway, etc. Most people don’t want someone else in their personal space, anyway.
I do want to say that, in situations where fat people are in a packed area, most of us try to be courteous as best as we can. I have requested to move seats on an airplane when it was open, chosen to stand rather than sit on a crowded bus or subway, etc. Most people don’t want someone else in their personal space, anyway.
6: WE AREN’T PROMOTING OBESITY BY LIVING LIFE IN
OUR OWN BODY
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It took a lot for me to choose this picture for this point. We've all probably had a taco. But this picture of me pointing to a taco sign means I'm "promoting obesity" to some.
In this photo and the caption, I don't encourage people to eat tacos until they gain weight. I am very honest about my love for tacos. I am very open about being a foodie. ​But I have never in my life seen or witnessed or taken part in promoting unhealthy living. I’ve never seen a plus-size person tell one of their followers that they should eat unhealthy things excessively and avoid exercise. What I have seen are people doing the opposite. They tell women they are too fat and should avoid eating, throw up their food, and get weight loss surgery to “fix†themselves. Everyone deserves to feel beautiful and validated. We deserve cute clothes, happiness, and opportunities. Living our best lives in the body we have in its current state is the whole premise of the body positivity movement. |
7: WE ARE CONCERNED ABOUT OUR HEALTH, JUST LIKE
EVERYONE ELSE
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My health is really important to me. I go in for regular check-ups, get blood work done, and make changes to meet the goals set by my doctor. Like everyone else does!
We all just don’t feel the need to tell people that. It is none of anyone’s business. Sure, there are some who don’t do any of this stuff, but most of us are trying to be healthy for our health, not for “cuter†pictures on Instagram. |
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I was on Twitter the other day and I saw that #VideoGamesAreToBlame was a trending topic. After reading some of the tweets, it seems that this was a statement that was made by the president after the recent shootings in El Paso, Texas and Dayton, Ohio.
Some people may jump into the comments alleging that he never really said that. But, this notion that video games are to blame for people's horrendous actions has been a topic of discussion for decades. I wanted to come on here today to talk about the real issue: racism and a lack of care for mental health.
Some people may jump into the comments alleging that he never really said that. But, this notion that video games are to blame for people's horrendous actions has been a topic of discussion for decades. I wanted to come on here today to talk about the real issue: racism and a lack of care for mental health.
THE HISTORY OF CORRELATION BETWEEN VIDEO GAMES AND MASS SHOOTINGS
| Video games have historically been linked to violence because of the Columbine shooting. During follow-up reporting, it was discovered that the two shooters liked to play games like "Doom" and "Grand Theft Auto." Ever since, video games and video game addiction has been linked to school shootings in particular, but has now been associated with the most recent mass shootings previously mentioned. |  |
While there has been research that suggests that video games can desensitize people of a certain age, I don't believe that there is concrete evidence that video games can induce thoughts of violence among healthy, functioning people of an appropriate age.
So, if it isn't video games, what is it?
So, if it isn't video games, what is it?
LET'S TALK ABOUT RACISM FIRST
 | Racism is a topic of discussion that is close to my heart. Mainly because I wouldn't have been able to marry my husband several decades ago because of this notion. It is also close to my heart because so many people try to use religious text out of context to justify segregation and racism, which hurts my soul so much. |
I want to bring up racism because, at least in recent years, it has motivated a lot of terrible people to commit terrible acts. The Charleston Church shootings played a role in inciting similar acts in the name of white supremacy.
The El Paso shooter, who I refuse to name, is a 21-year-old who wrote a racist and anti-immigrant document, according to CNN. The manifesto, titled "The Inconvenient Truth," was put online only 20 minutes before the shooting happened and discussed "race mixing."
The El Paso shooter, who I refuse to name, is a 21-year-old who wrote a racist and anti-immigrant document, according to CNN. The manifesto, titled "The Inconvenient Truth," was put online only 20 minutes before the shooting happened and discussed "race mixing."
| I was so shocked to read this. After all, if I ever had a child, I would be a "race mixer." Not only am I shocked at how demented the mind of a killer can be, I'm also shocked that someone cares so much about individual choice and preference. At the end of the day, you can choose to be with whoever you want. Why do you care so much about another person's choice? |  |
Regardless of your thoughts on our current president, he has made some pretty strange remarks about people from different, non-white countries. It doesn't matter what he meant to say, what matters is what he said and how it was perceived.
NOW LETS TALK ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH IN AMERICA
 | I could write a book on everything wrong with mental health in America. There are so many factors to it. To begin, there is just an overall negative stigma to mental health disorders and getting help for mental health disorders, especially in certain communities. Our men are told to "just be strong" and to "put their feelings aside." |
No wonder men have a higher suicide rate than women. They are constantly told to shut themselves off to emotion and pain. As a part of my job, I have to take photos of my coworkers. Some of the men refuse to smile. I got curious one day, so I Googled, "why don't some men smile in pictures?" The answer I found from another man was:
"I think it is largely due to the idea of them portraying a sense of masculinity...Everyone is smiling, except Mr. Macho Man who believes smiling is a form of weakness and would rather choose from his arsenal of looks..." -Lucas Pool on Quora
| And then there's bullying. The misconception is that bullying is a child's sport and that it stops in adulthood. But, nothing is further from the truth. According to Counseling.org, 99 percent of school shootings are carried out by males (which I mentioned because of the aforementioned "macho man" thing). |  |
Seventy-one percent of the attackers had been victims of bullying. Let's move further. Eighty-seven percent of the attackers left behind evidence that they were victims of severe bullying. Most school shooters also go after those who bullied them, but don't have an issue killing anyone who gets in their way.
 | As a segway, only about 17 percent of these shooters had been diagnosed with a mental health disorder, but nearly 78 percent had a history of suicidal thoughts or attempts. This strongly suggests that they may have been struggling with depression or another mental health disorder. As far as mass shooters in general, the LA Times ran an awesome article that highlights some of the traits that almost every mass shooter has in common. The first is that most are exposed to childhood trauma. This could leave them with untreated PTSD or another mental health disorder. Second, they had all reached a crisis point. Third, they sought validation for their motives. And fourth, they had the means to carry out their plans. |
According to this same article, about 80 percent of school shooters got their guns from home. Workplace shooters already have their guns at home for the most part.
WHAT WE SHOULD REALLY BE TALKING ABOUT
- Equality,
- The value of human life, regardless of race,
- Racist sentiments bred into society and even in our classrooms,
- Politicians who have made terrible racist statements, regardless of what they "meant" by them,
- Bullying - how different it is now vs. even 10 years ago,
- Punishment for bullies, regardless of whether or not they're a star athlete or their parents have money,
- Adding licensed counselors to our schools,
- Recognizing bullying and/or signs and symptoms of a mental health disorder,
- Normalizing the talk about mental health,
- Encouraging men and at-risk communities to seek counseling or just to be more open about their feelings and their emotional status (trust me, y'all will still be macho),
- Stop "celebrating anti-bullying week" with orange t-shirts and start getting real about the reality of bullying,
- Give everyone paid vacation and not guilt them into not using their vacation,
- Access to affordable mental health care,
- Mental health care within our schools,
- ...and so many other things.
Recently, it was revealed that 13 Reasons Why, a Netflix original series that discusses the life and death of Hannah. A lot of people don't want to show to continue due to its strong themes of suicide, sexual assault, and bullying. Today, I want to tell you 13 reasons why I do and don't want a new season of 13 Reasons Why.
I mean no disrespect to anyone of either opinion. I simply want to give my reasons for wanting and not wanting another season.
"Dos" will be in green, "Don'ts" will be in red.
I mean no disrespect to anyone of either opinion. I simply want to give my reasons for wanting and not wanting another season.
"Dos" will be in green, "Don'ts" will be in red.
1: THE BOOK ISN'T A PROBLEM WITH MANY PEOPLE
 | As a mini book review of sorts, I loved this book. I read it when I was in high school as a part of the library intern program. While I haven't read it in a while, the general idea of the book is the same: Hannah commits suicide and sends around a bunch of tapes to the people who she feels had a hand in her decision to end her life. The book is chilling, but definitely a good read from my memory. There have been a ton of books that have been banned from schools, but I don't remember this one ever being in the news for being banned. By the way, this was published in 2007! The story isn't new, just the Netflix adaptation. |
2: HAS TRIGGERED SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
| The Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry published a study that indicated that suicide rates among teens and adolescents had risen from the stats they had in 2013 before the show first aired. This is very troubling, as it seems a few people have taken their lives after watching the show. |  |
3: BUT IT SHEDS LIGHT ON A SAD REALITY
 | As someone who was mercilessly bullied in middle school, I can tell you that it isn't a walk in the park to have your peers pointing a finger at you. It is even worse now since technology has become readily available, with some students being bullied using school technology! Bullying needs to stop, and I believe that this series does shed light on how serious bullying can get for victims. |
4: THE STORY PASSES BLAME FOR SOMEONE'S DECISION
| Don't get mad! I cover the other side of this in the next point. One thing I didn't like about the book or the series is the idea that someone would blame someone else for their choice to end their life. I personally believe that suicide is a choice that someone makes. No one is forced to kill themselves, and I think it is wrong to teach that it is OK to blame someone for an individual's decision to end their life. Especially in this case when it seems Hannah could have confided in trusted people for help. |  |
5: HOWEVER, IT IS IMPORTANT THAT PEOPLE KNOW THAT DECISIONS ARE SOMETIMES MADE BASED OFF OF THE ACTIONS OF OTHERS
 | At the end of the day, the story tells us that Hannah chose to end her life because of how some people treated her and the nasty things they did to her. While it was her decision to use suicide as a means of an out (which I don't think is OK, don't get me wrong) instead of seeking out help from a trusted adult. |
If someone is telling you to kill yourself, I don't think that the bully should be held completely unaccountable for their actions. A lot of people have limits to their mental health, especially those who are going undiagnosed and untreated for a mental illness.
6: THE ACTORS ARE REALLY GOOD
| It is undeniable that the cast of "13 Reasons Why" is incredibly talented, and they're all so young! I feel that their acting really sells what is going on and the severity of the situation. Perhaps if they weren't as good at acting, people wouldn't find the show so believable and so triggering. They all really take over their characters in an almost scary way, which is good for acting. |  |
7: THE SHOW IS WELL-PRODUCED
 | Along with the acting, the show is also very well produced. As someone who isn't necessarily triggered into a depressive episode and more of a lover of film principles like color-blocking and scene-setting, the film crew and producers do a wonderful job. The ambiance for each scene is set so well. |
8: IT IS REALLY HARD TO WATCH SOME SCENES
| Again, I think the acting largely aids in this. The portrayal of reactions are so believable, and the scenes are so put together, that it is hard to stomach watching some scenes. I found myself fast forwarding through some parts and even just closing my eyes. |  |
9: THE STORYLINE LEAVES YOU WANTING MORE ANSWERS
 | At the end of each season, something always happened that left me with more questions, and I couldn't wait for the new season so I could get answers to those questions. This is a classic TV show stunt to keep people wanting more, and it really works with this show because of the high-quality actors and crew. |
10: UNDERAGE PEOPLE AND PEOPLE WITH MENTAL HEALTH DISORDER CAN ACCESS THESE STORIES AND MAY NOT UNDERSTAND HOW TO PROCESS IT
| Young children are still developing and may have their first encounter with suicide or even sexual assault by watching this show. Also, as someone with a mental health disorder, I think it is safe to say that processing things that can trigger us can be difficult and can leave us in more of a depressive or anxious state. |  |
If you've never heard of the show, or your friends suggest it to you and you decide to check it out, you might find yourself being drawn in by its sinister nature. You might even think that Hannah will turn things around or that the whole thing will get better.
11. NETFLIX HAS PARENTAL CONTROLS
 | One good piece of news is that parents with underage children and even those with mental health disorders that might be triggered by this show can go in and block it if they are aware of it. This will prevent a child or a person from watching a show that could be potentially harmful to their mental health or to their innocence, for lack of a better word. |
12: CHILDREN CAN WATCH WITH FRIENDS OR ADULTS WITH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS COULD HAPPEN UPON THE SERIES AND GET TRIGGERED
| We have come to find that, even if parents block something in their house or on their children's devices, they can still access it in some way. That could be watching it with a friend, figuring out the parental controls code, and more. As previously mentioned, older people with a mental health disorder might not know what the show is and may click on it and be triggered by some of the scenes and imagery. |  |
13: I WANT TO SEE THE CHARACTERS DEVELOP
 | Because I love the show and the actors, I do want to see the characters develop. This has gone beyond the scope of the book, and creative writers have taken the show to new heights (or depths, if you don't like it). I want to see how they grow up, what they learn, and how they better themselves as people. |
Again, I mean no disrespect to anyone of either opinion when it comes to this post. I always believe that people are more important than a show and that their health and safety should come first. I hope that there is a way the two can co-exist.
Whenever we millennials were young, we were always told to be humble. We were fed this idea that owning our success made us egotistical and full of ourselves. While I believe this can become true if we don't stay humble, I believe it is this life lesson that makes many in my generation feel like they aren't successful in life.
Let's talk about the four reasons we need to change our perceptions on owning our successes. I've added some photos highlighting some of my personal successes! I'm super blessed to have been given the gifts that I was given and growing up with a mom, brother, and grandparents who always encouraged and supported the cultivation of those gifts.
Let's talk about the four reasons we need to change our perceptions on owning our successes. I've added some photos highlighting some of my personal successes! I'm super blessed to have been given the gifts that I was given and growing up with a mom, brother, and grandparents who always encouraged and supported the cultivation of those gifts.
1. STRAIGHT UP, SUCCESS IS EARNED REGARDLESS OF
GENDER!
 First female Drum Major at my college | Success is defined as "the accomplishment of an aim or purpose." If you set a goal for yourself at your job to complete a task and you completed it, you were successful! Success by definition must be earned. It comes usually through hard work, passion, and determination. |
Success should be celebrated, regardless of someone's gender. I can't tell you how many times I see my male counterparts posting "#Excellence or #Success" but it seems like I'm looked down on when I use those hashtags in my photos.
There is a right and wrong way to celebrate your success. You can acknowledge your success without coming off in a conceited way. This could mean that you accept an award, reporting on your success, or you simply share your success while never forgetting those who helped you accomplish your successes. For me, that means acknowledging that I do all things through Christ. I'll talk more about this later.
Think of owning success as a type of currency. When you work a job, you expect to be paid for it. When you complete a job, you can take the pat on the back!
There is a right and wrong way to celebrate your success. You can acknowledge your success without coming off in a conceited way. This could mean that you accept an award, reporting on your success, or you simply share your success while never forgetting those who helped you accomplish your successes. For me, that means acknowledging that I do all things through Christ. I'll talk more about this later.
Think of owning success as a type of currency. When you work a job, you expect to be paid for it. When you complete a job, you can take the pat on the back!
2. IT IS SERIOUSLY DAMAGING OUR PSYCHE
| Recent studies show that the millennial generation is the most anxious generation yet. A big stereotype attached to the millennial generation is that we feel we should be rewarded for every little thing we do right. But, I have a counter to this opinion. I feel that millennials actually aren't rewarded for even the big things we do right. Back in the day, if you worked hard at your job and took on more responsibility, management saw your commitment to the job and rewarded you with raises and promotions. |  Member of the Millennial Commission for the City of Fayetteville, N.C. |
That simply doesn't happen for millennials.
Forbes Magazine even dedicated an entire article to the topic "Why Are Millennial Salaries Disproportionately Low?" They found that millennials have a large unemployment rate, not necessarily because of laziness, but because of the demand for experience in the work force.
Millennials are also saddled with an average of $37K in student loan debt after being told by the generation before us that college was needed for a better salary and benefits.
Forbes Magazine even dedicated an entire article to the topic "Why Are Millennial Salaries Disproportionately Low?" They found that millennials have a large unemployment rate, not necessarily because of laziness, but because of the demand for experience in the work force.
Millennials are also saddled with an average of $37K in student loan debt after being told by the generation before us that college was needed for a better salary and benefits.
I mean, just listen to this BOP from 2009! This is an ad for Education Connection which features an hourly employee who said she "needs a degree to make a bigger salary." However, this isn't proving true for millennials.
As a matter of example, I was making $11 and hour as a journalist with my degree right out of college. My husband has no college degree and makes about the same amount working in landscaping right now. I know this isn't everyone's story.
All of this was to simply say that we've taken losses in a lot of areas our parents didn't necessarily have to. We are anxious because of money and a lack of feeling successful, but we simply don't celebrate the successes we do have because we were told by society to be humble when we were younger!
With so much already stressing out our generation, we should lift ourselves up when we accomplish something great!
As a matter of example, I was making $11 and hour as a journalist with my degree right out of college. My husband has no college degree and makes about the same amount working in landscaping right now. I know this isn't everyone's story.
All of this was to simply say that we've taken losses in a lot of areas our parents didn't necessarily have to. We are anxious because of money and a lack of feeling successful, but we simply don't celebrate the successes we do have because we were told by society to be humble when we were younger!
With so much already stressing out our generation, we should lift ourselves up when we accomplish something great!
3. WE SHOULDN'T LET OTHERS CONTROL US
 2015 Intercollegiate Broadcasting System's Best On-Air Personalities Finalist for our college radio show Gabbie and the Ghost! | The perception of others really shouldn't control us, anyway. Like, who cares if a relative you see once a year doesn't "like" your Facebook post about being selected for a new leadership position at your job? Who cares if a toxic friend is upset that you posted about a recent success? At the end of the day, remember this saying that I think I just made up: "You ain't a remote, so stop letting people control you." Be proud of yourself and let those who truly care about you be proud of you, too! We all spend FAR too much time caring what other people think. At the end of the day, you have to live in your own body, and that means you need to be happy with yourself. |
I still believe that you should be humble, grateful, and thankful for the opportunities you've been afforded and the people who have been helpful along the way.
4. WE HAVE TO OWN OUR SUCCESS FIRST
| If you lack self-confidence, it can be hard to recognize what you've accomplished. I'm still struggling with this personally. I am a Christian and there's a lot of stigma about success in this faith. However, I credit all my successes in life to Jesus first, but recognize that I was given talents and gifts in this life to help connect other people to the Lord and to themselves! If you don't believe in yourself and the ability to accomplish great things, it simply won't happen. That's why it is so important that we recognize our own successes first. |  2014 Miss Methodist (College Pageant) Miss Congeniality |
Have you ever been in a situation where you've felt a bit bitter because maybe someone who you thought was less deserving than you earned an award or a title? I think we all have, because we are simply all human.
In these cases, you can't simply write off your success because someone else didn't recognize you for it. Set goals for yourself. Accomplish things for yourself. It makes being recognized for those successes that much more fulfilling!
In these cases, you can't simply write off your success because someone else didn't recognize you for it. Set goals for yourself. Accomplish things for yourself. It makes being recognized for those successes that much more fulfilling!
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