It’s pretty much an accepted fact that men mature at a slower rate than women. However, I think most people would agree that studies on this indicate social maturity is what psychologists are talking about in these studies.
But today, I want to talk about emotional maturity. Women get such a bad reputation for silent treatments and arguments when a lot of the time, it boils down to emotional maturity, usually on the side of the man.
Before I get too far into this, I want to make it clear that I don’t believe every man is emotionally immature. There are several amazing guys who were taught or learned emotional maturity. I know a lot of them. But I know and have experienced far more men with a lack of emotional maturity. I will be saying “men” as a general term in this post. Just know that I am aware that not all men are this way, but a lot are.
This post is for them and for women who feel the same.
THERE IS A REASON WOMEN ACT THE WAY WE DO
Why do we do this? Because we don’t understand how you don’t see what’s wrong. Men are not emotionally mature enough, for whatever reason, to read body language and cues from their female pattern, but they can tell when a friend is getting frustrated or another guy is about to swing on them. How does that make sense?
If a man says something is a rude tone and the woman gets quiet, doesn’t answer, or turns her attention away, how can a man sit there and ask “what’s wrong?”
Before I was married, I dated a guy who lived across the state line. He was obsessed with video games. I would drive hours to see him only to sit beside him while he played games. He would often ask “what’s wrong,” and I would tell him “I drive forever to see you just to sit here and watch you play games.”
Why did I need to tell him that? He should get that. Now, are there girls who will get mad for dumb reasons? Sure. Sometimes we see lack of concern for big things, so we get heated over the little things in hopes of stressing the importance of handling issues as they arise.
WHERE DOES EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY COME FROM?
It goes even further. Dads treat their sons much differently than their daughters. Dads view their daughters as princesses (most of the time) and will stop the world if they are hurt. But when boys are hurt, they are told the “toughen up.” This just perpetuates the expectation of the macho man.
Men are also expected to be emotionally tough. Men often don’t smile in pictures because it “makes them seem weak.” They don’t want to talk about their feelings. To all of these men, let me tell you something: your partners aren’t happy. Unless they are like you, they aren’t happy.
I wanted to share something that happened to me a week or so ago and try to give you a sort of snapshot of what fat people wonder when they are fat shamed by complete strangers.
This is a topic I'm really passionate about and this is the understanding I have both personally and from the plus-size community that I've been a part of. I'm not meaning to "speak" for others who have had a different experience, but I think most can agree that this is what happens in our heads.
âSo, I decided that I wanted to make this explanation post to get out into the open some things we fat people want others to understand:
1: WE DONâT BELIEVE YOU âCARE ABOUT OUR HEALTHâ
2: WE FIND SOME OF YOU VERY HYPOCRITICAL
3: WE ARENâT ASKING YOU TO LIKE US
4: WE DESERVE EQUAL PRAISE FOR EQUAL
I cannot tell you how many times in my life that Iâve accomplished something amazing and shared it with friends, only to have someone share a different (equally as amazing) accomplishment and give praise to someone who is substantially smaller than me.
I work super hard to do the things that I do. I also strive to be supportive to all of my fellow creators.
And donât give me that âyou should validate yourselfâ nonsense. Have you ever asked a friend if your makeup looks good? How about asking your partner if your outfit makes you look âfat?â
As if you donât own a mirror.
Everyone, and I do mean everyone, is in some way concerned with how they are perceived. If you donât think so, then youâre either very enlightened (kudos) or youâre lying to yourself.
5: WE DONâT GET WHY YOU CARE SO MUCH
Caveating off of the first point, why do you care? You have no personal stake in my life, so why do you care what my size is?
Unless youâre sitting next to me on a plane or in a crowded bus, my fat is none of your concern. Half the time, airlines make fat people buy TWO SEATS to make other passengers feel comfortable.
I do want to say that, in situations where fat people are in a packed area, most of us try to be courteous as best as we can. I have requested to move seats on an airplane when it was open, chosen to stand rather than sit on a crowded bus or subway, etc. Most people donât want someone else in their personal space, anyway.
6: WE ARENâT PROMOTING OBESITY BY LIVING LIFE IN
OUR OWN BODY
It took a lot for me to choose this picture for this point. We've all probably had a taco. But this picture of me pointing to a taco sign means I'm "promoting obesity" to some.
In this photo and the caption, I don't encourage people to eat tacos until they gain weight. I am very honest about my love for tacos. I am very open about being a foodie.
âBut I have never in my life seen or witnessed or taken part in promoting unhealthy living. Iâve never seen a plus-size person tell one of their followers that they should eat unhealthy things excessively and avoid exercise.
What I have seen are people doing the opposite. They tell women they are too fat and should avoid eating, throw up their food, and get weight loss surgery to âfixâ themselves.
Everyone deserves to feel beautiful and validated. We deserve cute clothes, happiness, and opportunities. Living our best lives in the body we have in its current state is the whole premise of the body positivity movement.
7: WE ARE CONCERNED ABOUT OUR HEALTH, JUST LIKE
My health is really important to me. I go in for regular check-ups, get blood work done, and make changes to meet the goals set by my doctor. Like everyone else does!
We all just donât feel the need to tell people that. It is none of anyoneâs business. Sure, there are some who donât do any of this stuff, but most of us are trying to be healthy for our health, not for âcuterâ pictures on Instagram.
Some people may jump into the comments alleging that he never really said that. But, this notion that video games are to blame for people's horrendous actions has been a topic of discussion for decades. I wanted to come on here today to talk about the real issue: racism and a lack of care for mental health.
THE HISTORY OF CORRELATION BETWEEN VIDEO GAMES AND MASS SHOOTINGS
Video games have historically been linked to violence because of the Columbine shooting. During follow-up reporting, it was discovered that the two shooters liked to play games like "Doom" and "Grand Theft Auto." Ever since, video games and video game addiction has been linked to school shootings in particular, but has now been associated with the most recent mass shootings previously mentioned.
So, if it isn't video games, what is it?
LET'S TALK ABOUT RACISM FIRST
Racism is a topic of discussion that is close to my heart. Mainly because I wouldn't have been able to marry my husband several decades ago because of this notion.
It is also close to my heart because so many people try to use religious text out of context to justify segregation and racism, which hurts my soul so much.
The El Paso shooter, who I refuse to name, is a 21-year-old who wrote a racist and anti-immigrant document, according to CNN. The manifesto, titled "The Inconvenient Truth," was put online only 20 minutes before the shooting happened and discussed "race mixing."
I was so shocked to read this. After all, if I ever had a child, I would be a "race mixer." Not only am I shocked at how demented the mind of a killer can be, I'm also shocked that someone cares so much about individual choice and preference. At the end of the day, you can choose to be with whoever you want. Why do you care so much about another person's choice?
NOW LETS TALK ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH IN AMERICA
I could write a book on everything wrong with mental health in America. There are so many factors to it.
To begin, there is just an overall negative stigma to mental health disorders and getting help for mental health disorders, especially in certain communities. Our men are told to "just be strong" and to "put their feelings aside."
"I think it is largely due to the idea of them portraying a sense of masculinity...Everyone is smiling, except Mr. Macho Man who believes smiling is a form of weakness and would rather choose from his arsenal of looks..." -Lucas Pool on Quora
And then there's bullying. The misconception is that bullying is a child's sport and that it stops in adulthood. But, nothing is further from the truth.
According to Counseling.org, 99 percent of school shootings are carried out by males (which I mentioned because of the aforementioned "macho man" thing).
As a segway, only about 17 percent of these shooters had been diagnosed with a mental health disorder, but nearly 78 percent had a history of suicidal thoughts or attempts. This strongly suggests that they may have been struggling with depression or another mental health disorder.
As far as mass shooters in general, the LA Times ran an awesome article that highlights some of the traits that almost every mass shooter has in common.
The first is that most are exposed to childhood trauma. This could leave them with untreated PTSD or another mental health disorder. Second, they had all reached a crisis point. Third, they sought validation for their motives. And fourth, they had the means to carry out their plans.
WHAT WE SHOULD REALLY BE TALKING ABOUT
- The value of human life, regardless of race,
- Racist sentiments bred into society and even in our classrooms,
- Politicians who have made terrible racist statements, regardless of what they "meant" by them,
- Bullying - how different it is now vs. even 10 years ago,
- Punishment for bullies, regardless of whether or not they're a star athlete or their parents have money,
- Adding licensed counselors to our schools,
- Recognizing bullying and/or signs and symptoms of a mental health disorder,
- Normalizing the talk about mental health,
- Encouraging men and at-risk communities to seek counseling or just to be more open about their feelings and their emotional status (trust me, y'all will still be macho),
- Stop "celebrating anti-bullying week" with orange t-shirts and start getting real about the reality of bullying,
- Give everyone paid vacation and not guilt them into not using their vacation,
- Access to affordable mental health care,
- Mental health care within our schools,
- ...and so many other things.
I mean no disrespect to anyone of either opinion. I simply want to give my reasons for wanting and not wanting another season.
"Dos" will be in green, "Don'ts" will be in red.
1: THE BOOK ISN'T A PROBLEM WITH MANY PEOPLE
As a mini book review of sorts, I loved this book. I read it when I was in high school as a part of the library intern program.
While I haven't read it in a while, the general idea of the book is the same: Hannah commits suicide and sends around a bunch of tapes to the people who she feels had a hand in her decision to end her life.
The book is chilling, but definitely a good read from my memory. There have been a ton of books that have been banned from schools, but I don't remember this one ever being in the news for being banned.
By the way, this was published in 2007! The story isn't new, just the Netflix adaptation.
2: HAS TRIGGERED SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
The Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry published a study that indicated that suicide rates among teens and adolescents had risen from the stats they had in 2013 before the show first aired.
This is very troubling, as it seems a few people have taken their lives after watching the show.
3: BUT IT SHEDS LIGHT ON A SAD REALITY
As someone who was mercilessly bullied in middle school, I can tell you that it isn't a walk in the park to have your peers pointing a finger at you. It is even worse now since technology has become readily available, with some students being bullied using school technology!
Bullying needs to stop, and I believe that this series does shed light on how serious bullying can get for victims.
4: THE STORY PASSES BLAME FOR SOMEONE'S DECISION
Don't get mad! I cover the other side of this in the next point. One thing I didn't like about the book or the series is the idea that someone would blame someone else for their choice to end their life.
I personally believe that suicide is a choice that someone makes. No one is forced to kill themselves, and I think it is wrong to teach that it is OK to blame someone for an individual's decision to end their life. Especially in this case when it seems Hannah could have confided in trusted people for help.
5: HOWEVER, IT IS IMPORTANT THAT PEOPLE KNOW THAT DECISIONS ARE SOMETIMES MADE BASED OFF OF THE ACTIONS OF OTHERS
At the end of the day, the story tells us that Hannah chose to end her life because of how some people treated her and the nasty things they did to her. While it was her decision to use suicide as a means of an out (which I don't think is OK, don't get me wrong) instead of seeking out help from a trusted adult.
6: THE ACTORS ARE REALLY GOOD
It is undeniable that the cast of "13 Reasons Why" is incredibly talented, and they're all so young!
I feel that their acting really sells what is going on and the severity of the situation. Perhaps if they weren't as good at acting, people wouldn't find the show so believable and so triggering. They all really take over their characters in an almost scary way, which is good for acting.
7: THE SHOW IS WELL-PRODUCED
8: IT IS REALLY HARD TO WATCH SOME SCENES
9: THE STORYLINE LEAVES YOU WANTING MORE ANSWERS
At the end of each season, something always happened that left me with more questions, and I couldn't wait for the new season so I could get answers to those questions.
This is a classic TV show stunt to keep people wanting more, and it really works with this show because of the high-quality actors and crew.
10: UNDERAGE PEOPLE AND PEOPLE WITH MENTAL HEALTH DISORDER CAN ACCESS THESE STORIES AND MAY NOT UNDERSTAND HOW TO PROCESS IT
Young children are still developing and may have their first encounter with suicide or even sexual assault by watching this show.
Also, as someone with a mental health disorder, I think it is safe to say that processing things that can trigger us can be difficult and can leave us in more of a depressive or anxious state.
11. NETFLIX HAS PARENTAL CONTROLS
One good piece of news is that parents with underage children and even those with mental health disorders that might be triggered by this show can go in and block it if they are aware of it. This will prevent a child or a person from watching a show that could be potentially harmful to their mental health or to their innocence, for lack of a better word.
12: CHILDREN CAN WATCH WITH FRIENDS OR ADULTS WITH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS COULD HAPPEN UPON THE SERIES AND GET TRIGGERED
We have come to find that, even if parents block something in their house or on their children's devices, they can still access it in some way. That could be watching it with a friend, figuring out the parental controls code, and more.
As previously mentioned, older people with a mental health disorder might not know what the show is and may click on it and be triggered by some of the scenes and imagery.
13: I WANT TO SEE THE CHARACTERS DEVELOP
Because I love the show and the actors, I do want to see the characters develop. This has gone beyond the scope of the book, and creative writers have taken the show to new heights (or depths, if you don't like it).
I want to see how they grow up, what they learn, and how they better themselves as people.
Let's talk about the four reasons we need to change our perceptions on owning our successes. I've added some photos highlighting some of my personal successes! I'm super blessed to have been given the gifts that I was given and growing up with a mom, brother, and grandparents who always encouraged and supported the cultivation of those gifts.
1. STRAIGHT UP, SUCCESS IS EARNED REGARDLESS OF
First female Drum Major at my college
Success is defined as "the accomplishment of an aim or purpose." If you set a goal for yourself at your job to complete a task and you completed it, you were successful!
Success by definition must be earned. It comes usually through hard work, passion, and determination.
There is a right and wrong way to celebrate your success. You can acknowledge your success without coming off in a conceited way. This could mean that you accept an award, reporting on your success, or you simply share your success while never forgetting those who helped you accomplish your successes. For me, that means acknowledging that I do all things through Christ. I'll talk more about this later.
Think of owning success as a type of currency. When you work a job, you expect to be paid for it. When you complete a job, you can take the pat on the back!
2. IT IS SERIOUSLY DAMAGING OUR PSYCHE
Recent studies show that the millennial generation is the most anxious generation yet. A big stereotype attached to the millennial generation is that we feel we should be rewarded for every little thing we do right. But, I have a counter to this opinion.
I feel that millennials actually aren't rewarded for even the big things we do right. Back in the day, if you worked hard at your job and took on more responsibility, management saw your commitment to the job and rewarded you with raises and promotions.
Member of the Millennial Commission for the City of Fayetteville, N.C.
Forbes Magazine even dedicated an entire article to the topic "Why Are Millennial Salaries Disproportionately Low?" They found that millennials have a large unemployment rate, not necessarily because of laziness, but because of the demand for experience in the work force.
Millennials are also saddled with an average of $37K in student loan debt after being told by the generation before us that college was needed for a better salary and benefits.
As a matter of example, I was making $11 and hour as a journalist with my degree right out of college. My husband has no college degree and makes about the same amount working in landscaping right now. I know this isn't everyone's story.
All of this was to simply say that we've taken losses in a lot of areas our parents didn't necessarily have to. We are anxious because of money and a lack of feeling successful, but we simply don't celebrate the successes we do have because we were told by society to be humble when we were younger!
With so much already stressing out our generation, we should lift ourselves up when we accomplish something great!
3. WE SHOULDN'T LET OTHERS CONTROL US
2015 Intercollegiate Broadcasting System's Best On-Air Personalities Finalist for our college radio show Gabbie and the Ghost!
The perception of others really shouldn't control us, anyway. Like, who cares if a relative you see once a year doesn't "like" your Facebook post about being selected for a new leadership position at your job?
Who cares if a toxic friend is upset that you posted about a recent success?
At the end of the day, remember this saying that I think I just made up: "You ain't a remote, so stop letting people control you." Be proud of yourself and let those who truly care about you be proud of you, too!
We all spend FAR too much time caring what other people think. At the end of the day, you have to live in your own body, and that means you need to be happy with yourself.
4. WE HAVE TO OWN OUR SUCCESS FIRST
If you lack self-confidence, it can be hard to recognize what you've accomplished. I'm still struggling with this personally. I am a Christian and there's a lot of stigma about success in this faith. However, I credit all my successes in life to Jesus first, but recognize that I was given talents and gifts in this life to help connect other people to the Lord and to themselves! If you don't believe in yourself and the ability to accomplish great things, it simply won't happen.
That's why it is so important that we recognize our own successes first.
2014 Miss Methodist (College Pageant) Miss Congeniality
In these cases, you can't simply write off your success because someone else didn't recognize you for it. Set goals for yourself. Accomplish things for yourself. It makes being recognized for those successes that much more fulfilling!
So, for today's post, I want to make the case for a plus-size Disney princess. With more and more children becoming body conscious at earlier ages, I think it is important to provide them with a realistic role model. I'll get in to that more later. So, here's the list:
DISCLAIMER: Being skinny is not a bad thing, and my intent is not to "skinny shame." I think we can all agree that extremes on both ends can be very dangerous and shouldn't be promoted. Please remember this as you're reading!
1: WE FINALLY HAVE REPRESENTED A LOT OF OTHER DEMOGRAPHICS IN DISNEY MOVIES
While it took way too long to have a good representation, we finally have princesses who are people of color on the big screen. We also have the “I don’t need no man princesses” which of course are speculated to be the LGBTQ+ princesses. Not saying that is right, but it is at least something. So why don’t we have a plus size princess?
The only plus size characters in Disney movies are fat villains or secondary characters that walk around in the back ground.
2: MANY PEOPLE AREN'T PLUS SIZE BY CHOICE
3: EVEN SO, YOU’RE NOT PROTECTING PEOPLE AGAINST DANGEROUS HABITS
Did you know if you go on to Instagram right now and search #skinny, you’ll be prompted with a message that asks you if you’re OK with looking at those sorts of things? But, if you look up #fat, you’re directed to the page with no problem.
I want to make sure everyone knows that I never search this hash tag, so Instagram isn't "tracking" that I'm looking at this hash tag. It's not like they are targeting repeated searchers of this hashtag. Everyone who searches this should receive this message.
Furthermore, this is what you're greeted with before you get to the featured page. If you try to look at the "most recent" posts, it blocks you completely!
It seems like expectations to meet a standard of skinny beauty is more harmful than promoting a girl with a lil meat (or fat) on her bones.
4: BIG WOMEN HAVE BECOME FETISHIZED
There are so many people in the world who don’t prefer skinny to plus size. I have another Instagram example. If you go and search #bbw or #bigbeautiful woman, you used to be met with half-naked photos of larger women.
Now I saw this message for the first time today, but usually the aforementioned posts are what are out there. I think Instagram decided to crack down on this out of fairness, which I agree with.
Now, while I believe that many of these women are super confident in their bodies, I also believe that many think that the only way they can get attention is to become someone’s fetish.
By not giving young girls the ideal plus sized woman to look up to in a Disney film, you’re perpetuating the notion that skinny is always prettier and better than fat.
5: SUPER-SKINNY PRINCESSES ARE NOT REALISTIC AND DO NOT MATCH THE BODY TYPES OF MOST PEOPLE
Of course I'm going to say that I never looked at Cinderella's waistline as a child and wondered why I couldn't be that thin, but I know that other children may have. Obviously, a lot of princesses were from a time when corsets were used to shape their bodies under dresses, so the figure makes some historical sense.
However, does a kid know that? I didn't wear a corset until prom. Event then, it was more like a long-lined bra.
Furthermore, the number of children growing up fat is increasing for different reasons. Almost always, this is attributed to laziness and poor eating habits. A lot of people are against a plus-sized princess because they believe she would "glamorize" obesity. I don't think so.
In college, I had joined some of my sorority sisters in trying to get in shape. One of my sisters had been going to the gym every day, eating healthy, etc. She was a plus-sized girl, but she ran laps around our skinniest sisters. That's because she was active. Bodies don't respond the same to weight loss efforts. You can be in terrible shape and be skinny, and in a pretty good shape while plus-sized. This isn't a weird portrayal.
THERE ARE OTHER REASONS
COMMENT: Do you think a plus-size Disney princess is a good or bad idea? Tell me why!
However, the students who are a part of the college admission scandal seems to align well with the buzz words and phrases often applied to a whole group of people.
If you’re in the U.S., you’ve probably heard news lately of the University of Southern California’s high-profile college admissions scandal. If you haven’t, here’s some information:
Fifty people have been charged in federal court for conspiracy to illicitly gain admission for high school students to top colleges and universities, including the University of Southern California. Some notable names tied up in this conspiracy include Lori Loughlin (left), who played Becky on Full House, and Felicity Huffman from Desperate Housewives.
Each of the 50 conspirators paid as much as $6.5 million to get their children into prestigious schools. This money may have been used to purchase a building on campus, donate to university advancement causes, or to bribe professors or administrators.
AN ONGOING PROBLEM
My immediate opinion is that, duh, this has been happening for years. I mean, just look at Hollywood. They’ve made a number of movies where the snobby rich kid’s parents donate to the college, and that makes them near untouchable. Did everyone think that was just a made-up movie antagonist? No, that happens in real life in colleges, universities, and prep schools around the globe.
THIS IS WHY IT ISN'T OK
One thing that really frustrated me was that some of these parents even bribed testing officials to look the other way while their child cheated on the SATs. That isn’t fair to someone from the projects who doesn’t have money but busted their butt in class and in the library to ace the test in hopes of attending Harvard.
This means that they are likely considered for and offered better jobs. Imagine Loughlin’s daughter becoming some CEO of a large company. She did absolutely nothing to get there, but she is now making decisions on things that could change the course of not only a company, but of the U.S. Many companies are tied up in politics, which is also largely influenced by campaign dollars.
WAYS THE RICH HAVE CHEATED THE SYSTEM
WHY IT FRUSTRATES MILLENNIALS
I will say that what adds to millennial frustration is the fact that these people who are our peers become CEOs, sometimes even becoming our bosses. For those of us who went to college, studied in a field that will actually make us money, and joined a career, it is frustrating to have a complete idiot as a boss. They don’t know what they’re doing, and it shows. This frustrates our generation to no end because we can’t move forward in our careers. I’m glad I don’t have this issue personally, but I know that a number of people suffer because of it.
But, it is crucial that you readers understand that these were top schools. They aren’t really wanting for money, they’re just being greedy.
In my opinion, we should do a sweep of all of the top schools and investigate for fraud. Charges should also be put against others who are found guilty of doing this. Students accused of fraud should be put on academic leave. If it were up to me, schools who accepted these funds should have to pay a penalty, as they were in the wrong as well.
The U.S. is sad. No promotions. No raises. No praises for a job well done. I think attacking this issue head on will help improve mental health and job security around the country. What’s your opinion? I want to know!
I am kind of perplexed by this issue, because I see the benefits and the downfalls of it. Let me talk about the pros and cons today. I’d love to hear your opinion on this in the comments below!
I know that this statement might get me in some hot water with some readers, but I am a fan of modesty. Now, I have no issues with shoulders the collar bone being exposed, I just have never been a fan of seeing someone’s butt cheeks or a ton of their chest. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a large-chested woman. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I expose my cleavage, but I think there is a limit.
I believe that, if you’re going to enforce something on students, it should be expected that those same rules apply to faculty, staff, and visitors. If your school says that students can’t have on clothing that depicts violence, guns, or drug paraphernalia, you should not allow visitors, faculty, or staff to wear them either.
By enforcing these rules on adults, you are showing a pattern of consistency with discipline and the student. A student might see their parent dress or act a certain way at school and think that, since their mom or dad was not reprimanded, they can also get away with it.
On the other hand, I think that today’s dress code standards are a bit much in many states. Parkinson also mentioned that tattoos should be covered, but I don’t really think that’s fair. I mean, Tennessee gets hot. I would be pretty angry if someone said I couldn’t visit my student because I refused to wear a long-sleeve jacket in the dead of summer.
There is also the matter that adults are adults. While many adults still need correction, most of them have been through the school system and have decided to make their own choices. There is also the problem with shielding children from what they would see in the real world.
MY OVERALL VERDICT
What do you think? I’m interested in hearing your opinion!
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.
Black Lives Matter
Plus Size Children
That's My Opinion