​With Thanksgiving coming this week, I wanted to share 20 things I’m thankful for in 2020. This year has been very difficult for a ton of reasons. These is in no particular order after the first one! Let’s get started:
1. God
2. My mom, brother, and nana.
3. My husband.
4. My brother-in-laws and mother-in-law.
12. My mom, brother, friends, mother-in-law, and brother-in-laws health following their COVID diagnosis.
20. The holidays and the holiday magic we all create together.
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 As you all probably know by now, I'm obsessed with Halloween. But, in September, I started seeing Christmas videos on my TikTok page. While I did "like" a playful video about letting Halloween come and go before posting about Christmas, I never saw too much wrong with celebrating Christmas early. My mom and brother have never been fans of Christmas music until after Thanksgiving, but Jonathan (my husband) is obsessed with Christmas, so I've gotten into celebrating early.
According to the American Academy of Family Physicians, seasonal affective disorder, which is a kind of depression that impacts people seasonally, impacts about 4 to 6 percent of people in the winter. Another 10 to 20 percent are said to experience mild seasonal affective disorder.
IF YOUR "DIFFERENCE OF OPINION" MEANS YOU THINK MY LIFE IS LESS VALUABLE OR SHOULD BE MOCKED BECAUSE OF HOW I LOOK, I REFUSE (& OTHERS SHOULD REFUSE) TO CONTINUE TO SUPPORT YOU.
To me, this is just nonsensical. It is also nonsensical to me that we apply harsh penalties to people who have done something wrong, but easily forgive others who have done the same.
Yet so many people are willing to forgive Jenna Marbles for some of the things she has said and done. Thankfully, Jenna didn't take a free pass from her fans and also decided she was wrong for what she had done in the past. The thing I don't get with Shane is why people keep bringing up things he has addressed over and over.
They were disgusting, wrong, racist and uncomfortable to listen to. If he had a proven record of actually committing racist acts or violating children, I wouldn't be writing what I'm writing. Now, Jeffree Star on the other hand DOES have a record of saying racist things to people of color.
Influencers 100 percent should be called to the carpet for what they say. However, if they address it, apologize and have no actual record of doing the things they talk about, let's move on. When you get defensive and try to legitimize what you say or do by saying "they said something to me first," or anything else, that's proof they aren't really changing.
And when I say legitimize, I don't mean saying that "jokes were different back then." That's so true. There are things I remember hearing growing up that you could never joke about today without being canceled. I was watching "Sister, Sister" on Netflix, and the neighbor Roger actually said "let's get busy" to the girls in a sexual way. Never would we have something like that on TV: underaged kids talking about sex/intimacy.
I don't want to spend too much time on the intro, because I really want to focus on these five lies that we just need to stop feeding into: 1. "DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF."
Comparisons happen every day in every society. A company may choose one candidate over the other because, compared to one another, one just stands out. Comparison is a fact of life, and sometimes it can be good to compare yourself to others. This is in the case of salary negotiations, relationships with significant others (you spend more time with one person than you spend with me), and more. TAKE-AWAY: Comparing yourself can actually help identify injustices that many face. What you should not do is derive all your life's meaning from that comparison. 2. SOCIETAL STANDARDS OF BEAUTY
I see so many people complaining about the societal standards of beauty who will continue to support and look up to those standards of beauty as if they are the holy grail. We can't continue to do that. We can't just like a video because the person who made it is pretty. Let's like and share content because it adds something to our day: knowledge, laughs, or a smile! 3. "HARD WORK ALWAYS GETS REWARDED"
Advocating for yourself and your time is a better way to seek out positive outcomes for your good work. Hard work can become expected, even in times of crisis. Advocate for your time at work. Advocate for yourself when in a relationship that doesn't seem to be improving despite the work you're putting into it. 4. "YOUNG PEOPLE ARE NAIVE AND UNEDUCATED"
I've always been a fan of learning new things and growing. However, on the occasions that I've really educated myself in an area that I know many who scrutinize me don't know much about, it is hard to be silent as I am disregarded. I've spent four years in college, and nearly six out of college working in various fields. Young people aren't uneducated or naive, they just see the world differently. I'm sure when I am 60 that I'll also think the youngsters are crazy and just don't get it. 5. BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER
If you have uncles and aunts that make you uncomfortable, you shouldn't have to invite them to your cookout. If you have a sister who has a physically abusive boyfriend, you shouldn't feel pressured to invite him to a party or feel bad for telling your sister that he isn't invited.
The truth is that real family are those people who are your friends. I know for me, my mom and brother are my blood and my real family. They care about me, ask about me, and aren't afraid to call me out when I mess up. I'm glad to have that in my friend Jeremy and my husband Jonathan, too. 8/18/2020 THE MURDER OF A CHILD SHOULD NOT DISCREDIT THE MURDER OF A BLACK PERSON BY POLICERead Now
In early August, my home state of North Carolina was rocked by the news that a 5-year-old boy named Cannon was shot and killed by his 25-year-old neighbor. Cannon was riding his bike when Darius Sessoms killed him in front of his two sisters. Austin, Cannon's father, says he was filled with rage, but couldn't leave Cannon's side after the incident. Here are some things you should know about this killing:
Now, with all of that being said, I feel the need to address something that's been going around as of late. A number of people are making this a racial issue, saying that the story isn't getting the media coverage it deserves because it is a black on white crime instead of a white on black crime. A number of people are asking where Black Lives Matter is in this. THE OUTRAGE CLAIM
"WHY ARE YOU OUTRAGED OVER A CRIMINAL'S DEATH AND NOT SEEMINGLY AS OUTRAGED OVER A CHILD'S DEATH?"
That was obviously different from this case, but the hurt felt by the family and the community is just as powerful. Many angry people are asking where Black Lives Matter is and why they can be outraged over something happening to a criminal (or suspected one) that leads to their death and not this. Let me unpack it for you in bullet points:
I'd like to end my post by reiterating that what happened to this child is disgusting and heartbreaking, and I hope that Sessoms is prosecuted to the full extent of the law. I have linked the family's GoFundMe page when I first mentioned it. I pray that you read this with an open mind and you can see that these two things just don't need to be compared. They are awful and anyone who kills anyone else should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, regardless of their race or their job title. Copyright Disclaimer: Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act of 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, education, and research. Links to original posters have been added for crediting purposes.
 As someone who spends a majority of their time on social media, listening to Gen Z, working with them, and learning from them, I've had the opportunity to really dive into what a lot of Gen Z and Millennials feel the best employers will offer following COVID-19. 1. MORE FLEXIBILITY
When their child is sick, they end up using their vacation days just for the opportunity to check in on them every now and then. Additionally, I know I've had 24-hour bugs or stomach bugs that, for the most part, wouldn't disturb my ability to work. It would be more comfortable to work from home in these situations. This ideal was popular even before COVID-19. Some of the best companies for employees, like Google, give their employees the opportunity to work in ways that decrease their stress levels and allow them to take care of themselves and their families without causing harm to their companies. Certainly following this pandemic, most desk jobs can be performed remotely. It would be disheartening if companies refused to allow this once and a while considering how well most employees have adapted to this model. 2. ESSENTIAL WORK PAY
If employers are asking these employees to put themselves in harms way, a bonus should certainly be considered, especially because many of these types of companies didn't suffer much during COVID. Restaurants laid off their servers, but continued to get orders. I will say that, personally, I feel some essential work such as police, nurses, and EMT, may not need these bonuses. While it would be nice, these workers already have a dangerous job where they can come in contact with ill or dangerous people. 3. MORE INFO ON LAYOFFS AND FURLOUGHS
When COVID-19 first hit, several campaigns to boycott certain companies for their lay-offs spread throughout social media. Employers should expect questions including, "when was the last time you laid off employees" and "should a crisis such as COVID-19 hit again, what is the probability that I would lose my job." We all know that COVID-19 has been tough on company overheads, and potential employees should certainly tread lightly when asking these questions, but they are worth the ask. 4. TRANSPARENCY
This causes employees to get frustrated when funding is cut or jobs are cut. They don't know what's going on, which leaves them with a bad experience that they will undoubtedly share with future employees and customers. If you're reading this as an employer, I hope you'll take these things into consideration. So many people are asking for these, and they are relatively simple to give or educate on. If you have anything to add, feel free to comment below!
1/3/2020 WE NEED TO STOP TELLING PLUS-SIZE INFLUENCERS THAT THEY'RE GLAMORIZING OBESITY BY EXISTINGRead Now
I couldn’t help myself in writing this post even though, by the time you’re reading this, the post that set this off in me is several weeks old.
I came across a post that included a quote from Jillian Michaels who said that we shouldn’t be glamorizing obesity, but we should be inclusive of everyone. To me, this statement makes absolutely no sense.
​Because I have yet to see a large group of influencers encourage their followers to pack on the pounds to be pretty, valued, or worthy to society. As a matter of fact, I’ve seen much more of the opposite. I’ve seen the promotion of eating very little, following KPOP idol diets, and so on. I’m not saying that there aren’t people who say that eating more means you’re more beautiful. There are fetishes for that specifically. However, it is not a thing in society.
​In the music world, everyone gets up-in-arms when Lizzo wears an outfit that shows her butt cheeks, but everyone is cool with Nicki Minaj or Cardi B twerking with her cheeks out because they’ve got fat in the “right†places. They’re all completely fine with the Kardashian/Jenner family walking out in sheer clothes where you can see everything. But not when Lizzo does it. Absolutely not!
As someone who aspires to be an influencer, I’ve personally gotten several comments on different social media about my size, all of which is attached to content like this where I call out the haters who are mad that one of my videos blew up. I won’t lie, there is WAY more acceptance now than there used to be. However, people have called me “delusional,†“part of the problem,†and more for simply saying that one person’s existence is not glamorizing being overweight or obese.
A lot of people claim that eating healthy meals is rather affordable, but it depends on the size of your family and your income. If you can buy enough to make spaghetti for five people vs. a high-protein and high-veggie meal, you’re going to be eating a less healthy meal.
​Can you live a healthy lifestyle when you aren’t making much money and don’t have a lot of time? Yes, if you work super hard. Because you’re still going to be eating that boxed meal, and you’re going to have to sacrifice time you use to make money for time for your workouts.
I myself am going to be trying extra hard to lose weight for my health, not for my looks. However, I take comfort in knowing that I will never ever change or feel ashamed of my body because Jillian Michaels told me I should. I will not stop trying to be a positive influence on a bunch of people because Michaels told me I would be glamorizing obesity by being a blogger who happens to be plus sized! Black Friday is a week from today and, I’m hoping with the foresight to write this a week early, I can deter you from going out and shopping like mad. So, here are some of the reasons why I don’t think Black Friday is really worth all of the effort you have to put into it. IN A LOT OF CASES, YOU’RE BEING DOOPED
On top of that, some of the items that go on sale at dirt cheap prices tend to be from companies that no longer exist or old stock that has been deteriorating in the storage room. Others may include laptops that are dirt cheap but only have basic capabilities. Really check into the deal to see if it is worth it. A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SERIOUSLY INJURED OR HURT
One was when I was a child and we went to Walmart to get one of those really old box computers that were really cool at the time but are nothing compared to the technology we have today. The second was one year when my brother and I went to Walmart to get my mom a sewing machine that was on sale. They were selling a gaming system at the time and people were fighting and cursing at one another. IT FORCES RETAIL WORKERS TO WORK WHEN THEY SHOULD BE WITH THEIR FAMILIES
I know, also, that working retail is a choice just like any job. However, most people work retail. You wouldn’t want to have to walk away from your family, why should they? YOU GET PRETTY GOOD DEALS ON CYBER MONDAY Cyber Monday was first observed in 2005, almost 15 years ago! Thanks to the invention and cultivation of the internet, more and more people are selling goods and services online. Cyber Monday deals are great because you can shop from the comfort of your own home without having to go out in the cold or potentially be hurt by some random crazed shopper.
11/11/2019 "OK BOOMER" IS NOT A SLUR. CALLING IT ONE UNDERMINES THE SEVERITY OF ACTUAL SLURSRead Now
We have what are called “racial slurs” which are words or phrases used to demean or lessen the value of people of varying skin tones (which is crazy stupid by the way). It makes me chuckle a bit to see that members of the Baby Boomer generation consider a term that literally says “OK” paired with their generational name is a “slur.” “If you’re comparing the ‘badness’ of two words and you won’t even say one of them, that’s the worst word.” – Comedian John Mulaney
Some will say “Millennials are always on their phones and they want everything handed to them” or “These Gen Z-ers are so disrespectful.” However, every single time I’ve heard the phrase “OK Boomer” used, it has been used to shut down insults like these from specific Gen X-ers and Boomers who are being insulting and rude. It has never been applied freely to the entire generation, but only to a few. Saying “Boomers will never understand…” is NOT an insult or a stereotype. I can’t understand what it’s like to be a Boomer or a Gen X-er either. I have some people who fit that description in my life, but I can’t experience what it was like for them. AN EXAMPLEHere is a prime example. I saw someone from an old church we went to who shared this on their Facebook timeline. It took everything in me not to say “this is part of the reason we left your church.” I hesitated in including it because I don’t want to fuel the views for this. However, if you read the YouTube description, it says that the video is a parody that was meant to show church leaders that they should look past Millennial stereotypes and look toward the unique potential Millennials have. I didn't know this at the time because I saw it on Facebook and followed the link onto YouTube after watching and commenting. Regardless of the intent, I think the video is in poor taste. This church had to know that people would take this stereotype and run with it. This was my comment on the video: “I don't know if I'm more shocked that this even exists or if I'm shocked that a CHURCH created it. The sad thing is that the church shouldn't stereotype anyone, and all of the Millennials I know are not like this whatsoever. Please keep in mind that your generation raised Millennials, gave Millennials false hope about getting good jobs (which is now resulting in fewer enrollments at colleges and universities), and that the economy is NOTHING like what it was for you. Also, as you said, Millennials are going to be future leaders. Instead of making these rude videos, maybe you should be kind and see how you can help them.”
I then mentioned that everyone who had commented or laughed at my comment was in the Boomer or Gen X populations, which was evident by their profiles. Another man who was obviously much older and in the Boomer population said “grow up it’s funny but so true.” To that, I said “OK Boomer,” because I really didn’t want to hear it. I felt my initial comment was fair and kind. Another man said “Spoken like a true Millennial.” My response? “Why thank you! It's funny how someone can tell me to ‘grow up’ and insult me because of my age, but when it happens to them, they lose their minds! Love that for you. Best of luck in your future." These specific people were committed to misunderstanding millennials and didn’t even want to try to help. They just wanted to continue to push these ridiculous stereotypes.
Calling this phrase, a slur seriously diminishes the magnitude of other slurs that are still being used, almost exclusively by members of the Gen X or Baby Boomer generations.
I’ve always said: “Stereotypes are just commitments made to intentionally misunderstand people.” Quote me on that.
Next time you see yourself stereotyping a Millennial or Gen Z-er (or if you’re in one of those generations and you start to stereotype all Boomers or Gen X-ers) watch your words. We should all be open to honest conversations about our work and its state. No one should be dismissed for being “too young.” That’s not how this works. We are all citizens of the world, and we should all have a say in how it runs. 9/9/2019 THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL MATURITY, AND EACH TAKE MEN FAR TOO LONG TO REACHRead NowIt’s pretty much an accepted fact that men mature at a slower rate than women. However, I think most people would agree that studies on this indicate social maturity is what psychologists are talking about in these studies. But today, I want to talk about emotional maturity. Women get such a bad reputation for silent treatments and arguments when a lot of the time, it boils down to emotional maturity, usually on the side of the man. Before I get too far into this, I want to make it clear that I don’t believe every man is emotionally immature. There are several amazing guys who were taught or learned emotional maturity. I know a lot of them. But I know and have experienced far more men with a lack of emotional maturity. I will be saying “men” as a general term in this post. Just know that I am aware that not all men are this way, but a lot are. This post is for them and for women who feel the same. THERE IS A REASON WOMEN ACT THE WAY WE DO
Why do we do this? Because we don’t understand how you don’t see what’s wrong. Men are not emotionally mature enough, for whatever reason, to read body language and cues from their female pattern, but they can tell when a friend is getting frustrated or another guy is about to swing on them. How does that make sense? If a man says something is a rude tone and the woman gets quiet, doesn’t answer, or turns her attention away, how can a man sit there and ask “what’s wrong?” Before I was married, I dated a guy who lived across the state line. He was obsessed with video games. I would drive hours to see him only to sit beside him while he played games. He would often ask “what’s wrong,” and I would tell him “I drive forever to see you just to sit here and watch you play games.” Why did I need to tell him that? He should get that. Now, are there girls who will get mad for dumb reasons? Sure. Sometimes we see lack of concern for big things, so we get heated over the little things in hopes of stressing the importance of handling issues as they arise. WHERE DOES EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY COME FROM?
It goes even further. Dads treat their sons much differently than their daughters. Dads view their daughters as princesses (most of the time) and will stop the world if they are hurt. But when boys are hurt, they are told the “toughen up.” This just perpetuates the expectation of the macho man. Men are also expected to be emotionally tough. Men often don’t smile in pictures because it “makes them seem weak.” They don’t want to talk about their feelings. To all of these men, let me tell you something: your partners aren’t happy. Unless they are like you, they aren’t happy.
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