Have you ever noticed when you truly open your eyes to a problem, you start to see the impacts of the problem all around you? At the start of this month, I decided to really open my eyes to how women like myself are treated in the workplace, at home, and in the organizations we volunteer our time to.
"As with any cause, posting a photo on Instagram and using feminist hashtags isn't enough. To make real systemic change, we must challenge sexism and really any 'ism' when we see it displayed before our very eyes."
Many women have lists much longer than mine. Lists that also include sexual assault, abuse from their partners, and workplace microaggressions that can make the workplace a nightmare. These would be less of an issue if male allys would speak up and stop turning a blind eye to what's happening to women in their homes, their workplaces and in the organizations they volunteer to serve in.
WAYS YOU CAN MAKE A POSITIVE CHANGE
There are plenty of ways you can make an impact, especially if you are a male ally for women. Here are a few ideas:
Relationships have simply changed over the course of 2020, and it looks like they will continue to be impacted in 2021. I know that I've decided to let go of some of the supposed friends I had due to their strong beliefs against Black Lives Matter and their support of a racist and sexist president.
But this was more than just an attempted coup that failed miserably. This will change the course of our history and how we live in so many ways. I wanted to talk about a few of them in today's blog post:
WE'VE SHOWN THE WORLD OUR WEEKNESS
Frankly, we've seen police presence (a ridiculous amount) over less. When that happened, we showed the world just how unprotected our Capitol building is, and just how easy it is for people to just walk in and potentially cause harm.
WE'VE SHOWN THE WORLD THE BLATANT WAYS IN WHICH PEOPLE OF COLOR ARE TREATED DIFFERENTLY
WE'VE SET A DANGEROUS PRECEDENT FOR WHEN THINGS DON'T GO OUR WAY
WE'VE ALLOWED BRAINWASHING AT A DEGREE HIGHER THAN WE'VE EVER SEEN IN THIS COUNTRY
But he somehow convinced them that FOX News was no longer on the side of the Republicans. He literally made people think that everyone was out to get them and that they would only find safety in him. This is how we would describe a cult.
WE'VE CAUSED MILLIONS TO TURN AWAY FROM CHRIST
We are called to prevent ourselves from being a stumbling block, yet so many people feel that God supports a particular candidate. I do not. I believe God is our ultimate "president" or ultimate "ruler," not Trump or Biden. It is import to choose what promotes the most love, and I'm so glad our country did that. Yes, times won't be perfect, but I feel they will be better.
1. HOUSEHOLD ITEMS ARE COMPLETELY ACCEPTABLE FOR CHRISTMAS GIFTS
I 100 percent believe that Christmas and other present-giving holidays should be mostly about giving gifts someone wants, rather than something they need. If you want to get around this, you can always give a âfamily giftâ or give a gift thatâs labeled âfor the house.â My mom and grandparents did that while we were growing up!
2. GOLD DECORATIONS ARE SUPERIOR TO WHITE DECORATIONS
3. SANTA IS REALLY CREEPY
I donât know if Iâd ever be able to keep Santa out of my house because of how magical he is, but kids donât get that, so I understand why we keep Santa coming around every year.
4. PRESENCE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN PRESENTS
5. CHRISTMAS LISTS SHOULDNâT DISAPPEAR WHEN YOU GROW UP
I usually just use Amazon and make a wish list on there. If there is something else, I just save the link to my Amazon account with the links to the other items Iâm interested in on a note document and share it with whomever asks!
âSo, what are your unpopular Christmas opinions? Let me know on social media or leave a comment below! I canât wait to hear from you.
âWith Thanksgiving coming this week, I wanted to share 20 things Iâm thankful for in 2020. This year has been very difficult for a ton of reasons. These is in no particular order after the first one! Letâs get started:
2. My mom, brother, and nana.
3. My husband.
4. My brother-in-laws and mother-in-law.
12. My mom, brother, friends, mother-in-law, and brother-in-laws health following their COVID diagnosis.
20. The holidays and the holiday magic we all create together.
As you all probably know by now, I'm obsessed with Halloween. But, in September, I started seeing Christmas videos on my TikTok page.
While I did "like" a playful video about letting Halloween come and go before posting about Christmas, I never saw too much wrong with celebrating Christmas early. My mom and brother have never been fans of Christmas music until after Thanksgiving, but Jonathan (my husband) is obsessed with Christmas, so I've gotten into celebrating early.
According to the American Academy of Family Physicians, seasonal affective disorder, which is a kind of depression that impacts people seasonally, impacts about 4 to 6 percent of people in the winter. Another 10 to 20 percent are said to experience mild seasonal affective disorder.
IF YOUR "DIFFERENCE OF OPINION" MEANS YOU THINK MY LIFE IS LESS VALUABLE OR SHOULD BE MOCKED BECAUSE OF HOW I LOOK, I REFUSE (& OTHERS SHOULD REFUSE) TO CONTINUE TO SUPPORT YOU.
To me, this is just nonsensical. It is also nonsensical to me that we apply harsh penalties to people who have done something wrong, but easily forgive others who have done the same.
Yet so many people are willing to forgive Jenna Marbles for some of the things she has said and done. Thankfully, Jenna didn't take a free pass from her fans and also decided she was wrong for what she had done in the past. The thing I don't get with Shane is why people keep bringing up things he has addressed over and over.
They were disgusting, wrong, racist and uncomfortable to listen to. If he had a proven record of actually committing racist acts or violating children, I wouldn't be writing what I'm writing. Now, Jeffree Star on the other hand DOES have a record of saying racist things to people of color.
Influencers 100 percent should be called to the carpet for what they say. However, if they address it, apologize and have no actual record of doing the things they talk about, let's move on. When you get defensive and try to legitimize what you say or do by saying "they said something to me first," or anything else, that's proof they aren't really changing.
And when I say legitimize, I don't mean saying that "jokes were different back then." That's so true. There are things I remember hearing growing up that you could never joke about today without being canceled. I was watching "Sister, Sister" on Netflix, and the neighbor Roger actually said "let's get busy" to the girls in a sexual way. Never would we have something like that on TV: underaged kids talking about sex/intimacy.
I don't want to spend too much time on the intro, because I really want to focus on these five lies that we just need to stop feeding into:
1. "DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF."
Comparisons happen every day in every society. A company may choose one candidate over the other because, compared to one another, one just stands out. Comparison is a fact of life, and sometimes it can be good to compare yourself to others. This is in the case of salary negotiations, relationships with significant others (you spend more time with one person than you spend with me), and more.
TAKE-AWAY: Comparing yourself can actually help identify injustices that many face. What you should not do is derive all your life's meaning from that comparison.
2. SOCIETAL STANDARDS OF BEAUTY
I see so many people complaining about the societal standards of beauty who will continue to support and look up to those standards of beauty as if they are the holy grail. We can't continue to do that. We can't just like a video because the person who made it is pretty. Let's like and share content because it adds something to our day: knowledge, laughs, or a smile!
3. "HARD WORK ALWAYS GETS REWARDED"
Advocating for yourself and your time is a better way to seek out positive outcomes for your good work. Hard work can become expected, even in times of crisis. Advocate for your time at work. Advocate for yourself when in a relationship that doesn't seem to be improving despite the work you're putting into it.
4. "YOUNG PEOPLE ARE NAIVE AND UNEDUCATED"
I've always been a fan of learning new things and growing. However, on the occasions that I've really educated myself in an area that I know many who scrutinize me don't know much about, it is hard to be silent as I am disregarded. I've spent four years in college, and nearly six out of college working in various fields. Young people aren't uneducated or naive, they just see the world differently. I'm sure when I am 60 that I'll also think the youngsters are crazy and just don't get it.
5. BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER
If you have uncles and aunts that make you uncomfortable, you shouldn't have to invite them to your cookout. If you have a sister who has a physically abusive boyfriend, you shouldn't feel pressured to invite him to a party or feel bad for telling your sister that he isn't invited.
The truth is that real family are those people who are your friends. I know for me, my mom and brother are my blood and my real family. They care about me, ask about me, and aren't afraid to call me out when I mess up. I'm glad to have that in my friend Jeremy and my husband Jonathan, too.
In early August, my home state of North Carolina was rocked by the news that a 5-year-old boy named Cannon was shot and killed by his 25-year-old neighbor.
Cannon was riding his bike when Darius Sessoms killed him in front of his two sisters. Austin, Cannon's father, says he was filled with rage, but couldn't leave Cannon's side after the incident. Here are some things you should know about this killing:
Now, with all of that being said, I feel the need to address something that's been going around as of late. A number of people are making this a racial issue, saying that the story isn't getting the media coverage it deserves because it is a black on white crime instead of a white on black crime. A number of people are asking where Black Lives Matter is in this.
THE OUTRAGE CLAIM
"WHY ARE YOU OUTRAGED OVER A CRIMINAL'S DEATH AND NOT SEEMINGLY AS OUTRAGED OVER A CHILD'S DEATH?"
That was obviously different from this case, but the hurt felt by the family and the community is just as powerful.
Many angry people are asking where Black Lives Matter is and why they can be outraged over something happening to a criminal (or suspected one) that leads to their death and not this. Let me unpack it for you in bullet points:
I'd like to end my post by reiterating that what happened to this child is disgusting and heartbreaking, and I hope that Sessoms is prosecuted to the full extent of the law. I have linked the family's GoFundMe page when I first mentioned it. I pray that you read this with an open mind and you can see that these two things just don't need to be compared. They are awful and anyone who kills anyone else should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, regardless of their race or their job title.
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As someone who spends a majority of their time on social media, listening to Gen Z, working with them, and learning from them, I've had the opportunity to really dive into what a lot of Gen Z and Millennials feel the best employers will offer following COVID-19.
1. MORE FLEXIBILITY
When their child is sick, they end up using their vacation days just for the opportunity to check in on them every now and then. Additionally, I know I've had 24-hour bugs or stomach bugs that, for the most part, wouldn't disturb my ability to work. It would be more comfortable to work from home in these situations.
This ideal was popular even before COVID-19. Some of the best companies for employees, like Google, give their employees the opportunity to work in ways that decrease their stress levels and allow them to take care of themselves and their families without causing harm to their companies. Certainly following this pandemic, most desk jobs can be performed remotely. It would be disheartening if companies refused to allow this once and a while considering how well most employees have adapted to this model.
2. ESSENTIAL WORK PAY
If employers are asking these employees to put themselves in harms way, a bonus should certainly be considered, especially because many of these types of companies didn't suffer much during COVID. Restaurants laid off their servers, but continued to get orders.
I will say that, personally, I feel some essential work such as police, nurses, and EMT, may not need these bonuses. While it would be nice, these workers already have a dangerous job where they can come in contact with ill or dangerous people.
3. MORE INFO ON LAYOFFS AND FURLOUGHS
When COVID-19 first hit, several campaigns to boycott certain companies for their lay-offs spread throughout social media. Employers should expect questions including, "when was the last time you laid off employees" and "should a crisis such as COVID-19 hit again, what is the probability that I would lose my job."
We all know that COVID-19 has been tough on company overheads, and potential employees should certainly tread lightly when asking these questions, but they are worth the ask.
This causes employees to get frustrated when funding is cut or jobs are cut. They don't know what's going on, which leaves them with a bad experience that they will undoubtedly share with future employees and customers.
If you're reading this as an employer, I hope you'll take these things into consideration. So many people are asking for these, and they are relatively simple to give or educate on. If you have anything to add, feel free to comment below!
I couldnât help myself in writing this post even though, by the time youâre reading this, the post that set this off in me is several weeks old.
I came across a post that included a quote from Jillian Michaels who said that we shouldnât be glamorizing obesity, but we should be inclusive of everyone. To me, this statement makes absolutely no sense.
âBecause I have yet to see a large group of influencers encourage their followers to pack on the pounds to be pretty, valued, or worthy to society. As a matter of fact, Iâve seen much more of the opposite. Iâve seen the promotion of eating very little, following KPOP idol diets, and so on. Iâm not saying that there arenât people who say that eating more means youâre more beautiful. There are fetishes for that specifically. However, it is not a thing in society.
âIn the music world, everyone gets up-in-arms when Lizzo wears an outfit that shows her butt cheeks, but everyone is cool with Nicki Minaj or Cardi B twerking with her cheeks out because theyâve got fat in the ârightâ places. Theyâre all completely fine with the Kardashian/Jenner family walking out in sheer clothes where you can see everything. But not when Lizzo does it. Absolutely not!
As someone who aspires to be an influencer, Iâve personally gotten several comments on different social media about my size, all of which is attached to content like this where I call out the haters who are mad that one of my videos blew up. I wonât lie, there is WAY more acceptance now than there used to be. However, people have called me âdelusional,â âpart of the problem,â and more for simply saying that one personâs existence is not glamorizing being overweight or obese.
A lot of people claim that eating healthy meals is rather affordable, but it depends on the size of your family and your income. If you can buy enough to make spaghetti for five people vs. a high-protein and high-veggie meal, youâre going to be eating a less healthy meal.
âCan you live a healthy lifestyle when you arenât making much money and donât have a lot of time? Yes, if you work super hard. Because youâre still going to be eating that boxed meal, and youâre going to have to sacrifice time you use to make money for time for your workouts.
I myself am going to be trying extra hard to lose weight for my health, not for my looks. However, I take comfort in knowing that I will never ever change or feel ashamed of my body because Jillian Michaels told me I should. I will not stop trying to be a positive influence on a bunch of people because Michaels told me I would be glamorizing obesity by being a blogger who happens to be plus sized!
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.