Disclaimer: I am sad and that is the dominate emotion I am struggling with. I am not suicidal. However, this is a pretty heavy
post, so if you are struggling with that, this may not be the best post for you to read. If you or someone you know is struggling
with these thoughts, please phone the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.
A few weeks ago, my nana passed away unexpectedly. I was close to her all my life, but she became reclusive as she got older. She also had dementia and could be combative about doing what was best for her health at times.
I’m guessing this is where my stuck and depressed feelings are coming from. That alongside anxiety I have for addressing anything that ever goes wrong in our rental with my landlord.
Those who don’t have a creative or physical outlet take comfort in talking to people. But I can’t seem to allow myself to do that, either. The people I love who will read this might get upset at me for saying that, because they’ve never given me a reason to feel like they wouldn’t be there for me.
I have no doubt in my mind that God has blessed me and my family, even though we’ve had a horrible experience in the last few weeks with losing someone unexpectedly. People have shown kindness and love, and family bonds have been strengthened. And because all of that, I have this overwhelming hate for my current depressive state and the fact that my brain can’t seem to sit that feeling aside for more positive thinking.
So, if you got this far, thank you for reading and hearing me out. Writing truly is a source of joy and maybe even therapy for me. Plus, I always ask myself if sharing my thoughts and feelings could benefit someone. I know I’m not alone in this feeling, but I would love to know if you have ever felt this way and what may have worked best for you when you were in this place.