FINDING THE BALANCE BETWEEN REALITY AND POSITIVITY (+5 STRESS MANAGEMENT TIPS)

​I’ve always been told that a happy life is a balanced life, meaning that giving the proper time to family, work, hobbies, and self is imperative if you want a life worth living.
 
For me, though, that was much easier said than done. After graduating college, I drenched myself in cynicism. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I became a rather negative person. This, of course, resulted in several people in my life telling me to “just be positive.”
 
My response was always the same: “The situation isn’t positive, so I’m not going to force myself to make it positive.” 

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​It was true. I was overly negative about negative things. In my mind, the people telling me to be positive wanted me to be less realistic, which just wasn’t something I wanted to do. But things took a sharper turn when I became negative about things that weren’t even happening or I didn’t have a clear perception of.
 
You know how sometimes, when you’re unsure of how something will go, you recreate the situation in your head and play it out? Well, I was replaying the situation in a negative way. “What if saying this to that person made them feel upset? What if doing this will ruin my chances at excelling at my job?”

​I was filling myself with anxiety and, as a result, stress over situations that didn’t even exist. But after I visited the ER for what I thought was something serious only to find out it was nothing, I began to change my tune.
 
I was feeling anxious, for sure, but also sick. I felt like I had no energy, and my arm was hurting. I was freaking out. All my life, I’ve been told that I am high risk for things because I’m fat. Heart attacks, strokes, etc. Plus, my mom has a stroke history. So, it scared me enough to make me go to the ER, despite an “all clear” from an urgent care facility.

They gave me morphine and muscle relaxer to help with the pain while my blood work was processed. I was negative for COVID and the flu, and all my blood results came back normal.

​They decided to do an MRI on my back and arm area, and it also came back normal. So, I left the hospital feeling awful with no real diagnosis.
 
I finally realized that this was most certainly related to the stress I was putting on myself and my body coming up with scenarios that hadn’t happened yet.

​I freaked myself out, all because I was stressed from work, which caused my body to respond with stress, which caused me to respond with more stress and anxiety thinking I was experiencing a major medical event.

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​It was then that I decided that I needed to find the balance. I needed to be positive about the things I didn’t have enough information about. I needed to work on my work-life balance and leaving the stress of the job in the office instead of taking it home with me. I needed to stop worrying so much about offending people when I disagreed with them and just say what I wanted to say kindly and professionally. I had to realize that not everyone will like me, and I shouldn’t let someone’s dislike of me control my life and cause me stress.

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Every day is a battle when you struggle with a mental illness. Mine happens to be anxiety, and it has historically put a ton of stress on my body. I decided I didn’t want to die from stress. I didn’t want my life to be controlled by stress and for it to take my happiness and joy.

That makes it sound really easy. I still struggle and still have moments where stress overtakes me – like learning my brother was attacked by a dog and trying to get home and get furniture away uncertain of his condition and constantly calling for updates.

However, I wanted to share with you all a few tips that can help anyone who is struggling with stress to help manage that stress and work through it.

TIPS FOR MANAGING STRESS

1. GET INVOLVED: I know that might sound counter-intuitive, but getting involved in a hobby or organization that brings you joy or purpose can really help ease everyday stress.

2. WRITE IT/SAY IT: I got into the habit of taking videos of myself venting, or writing out what makes me stressed or angry. This really helped me think through my stress and realize where my mind was taking me.

3. LEARN TO TURN OFF: If you have a job and you didn't agree to be available 24/7, unplug from that job after the work day. Leave the stress of your job at your desk and enjoy your time off.

4. DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS: This one is hard for me and something I still struggle with. It is easy for someone like me to get a headache and immediately think I have something really wrong with me. If something is worrying you, go to the doctor or think up more reasonable reasons why you feel sick. If it is still worrying you, go get checked out. If you're unsure of something someone said, ask them about it. Don't make up scenarios in your head and add stress unnecessarily. 

5. DO SOMETHING FOR YOU: We each spend a lot of our time doing things for other people. Working extra hard at our job, taking care of children or pets, serving in organizations. But we sometimes don't do anything for ourselves. No matter if it is deciding to get a mani/pedi every two weeks, buy yourself a new outfit, or hire a babysitter so you can get out of the house. Do it. Give yourself time to decompress and get away from your stressors.