ENTERING INTO A NEW ERA

TRIGGER WARNING:
​THIS BLOG CONTAINS  MENTIONS OF HOW SEXUAL ASSAULT ACCUSATIONS ARE HANDLED. 

Have you ever just woken up one day and realized that you deserve more? A real longing to make sure you're never treated as though you deserve less?
​
The last few years of my life have been nothing short of difficult all because of a job and one person at that job. It was affecting my health, both mentally and physically, as well as my outlook on life. I knew I had to get out of there, so I knuckled down to start looking very specifically for opportunities near mine and Jonathan's families.

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I finally found a job in the field I love that was relatively close to home. Thankfully, Jonathan and I were able to move in with my mom and brother so we could save money and not worry about frantically looking for a place to live.

During that time in my life, I was highly disregarded. I was passed up for promotional opportunities, continually had things piled onto my plate, was berated in front of my colleagues for no good reason, had my ideas shut down or presented as someone else's and was immediately put onto salary after years of fighting only to not be offered a raise to be available after hours. I've learned that women in general are disregarded and treated as though they aren't deserving of certain things by society, but it is even worse for plus size women and women of color. 

​I happen to be plus size, so I have plenty of experience with society telling me to shut my mouth because the size of my body makes me less worthy of attention or respect. Add on to that that I'm a part of what I consider one of the most disrespected generations ever to walk the earth (millennials), and it's a recipe for disaster.

When I was growing up, even all the way to my college career, people said awful things about me to my face and behind my back. All of them were about my worth and my body size. Let me give you an example.

I remember in college I had to do a project about an issue on my campus, and I chose safety. At the time, there was a guy who was not registered for classes or affiliated with the University coming onto campus, pretending to be a student and sitting in on classes without approval.

The guy got into an altercation with a former friend of mine. It was only then, after months and months of him hanging around, that we learned he wasn't supposed to be there.

He was walking onto campus every day past the guard gate and no one ever stopped to ask for his ID or to make sure he was allowed to be there. 

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He had obvious anger issues, which can quickly turn dangerous, especially if you have no rights as far as disciplining the behavior with counseling or professional help since he isn't a student. 

Keep in mind, I grew up in a time where school shootings and violence were becoming prevalent. Sandy Hook happened just after this, and I remember clearly learning about Columbine, the Virginia Tech shootings, and others. This guy had openly threatened my friend and was near stalking some others. Just like in many cases, he confided in one person that he wasn't supposed to be there and that he had serious mental issues. This person didn't speak up and let them continue in their bad behavior without warning any of us. 

​Although I should have really spoken up to this individual about their comments, or taken my concerns to Student Life, I didn't. Because part of me was still believing that society had the right to disrespect me because I wasn't thin. That's always how it had been and so it wasn't going to change.

To be clear, I've never felt "bad" about my size. I always wished to be thinner to be healthier or to one day have a child of my own (a whole other story), but I've never felt like I was ugly or undeserving of respect. But, for a long time, I let other people's opinions of me rule the way I thought about myself.

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As I went through college, I started dating and graduated to get married a few years later to my college sweetheart, Jonathan. He makes me feel beautiful, no matter what I look like. Instead of focusing on how people treat me because of my body, a lot of my focus has now shifted to how people treat me because of my personality.

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I go above and beyond in everything I do. Not because I want to be seen, rewarded, or acknowledged, but because it is who I am. I'm also a chatterbox and put a lot of enthusiasm into the things I get involved in. 

I recently had an experience where I was working at a booth designed to engage with new people in the area, and someone told me I was doing too much. They said I was being too cheery and that my encouragement to others to come by the booth was overwhelming them and I should stop.

The focus of this entire experience was to engage with people, but I was made to feel bad for calling folks over to welcome them and hand out a free drink or map. I'm a sociable person in most cases.

I will strike up a conversation, help people when I can, and generally be a kind human being.  

This person made me so upset about who I was. I wasn't cringy or rude, and every person who came up to the booth was excited to receive a free drink and a little "welcome," from those at the booth. Yet I spent the rest of the day feeling like crap because someone thought I was doing too much. 

Though he doesn't mean it, my brother teases me a lot for how loud and goofy I am. Because of the nature of our relationship (he's my older brother, so obviously he pushes my buttons, and I push his), it doesn't usually bother me. But I said something yesterday. â€‹

​I don't want to be made to feel bad because I'm bubbly. For once in the last two years, I'm happy without conditions. I can smile. Getting up for work isn't a chore anymore. I take pride in picking out an outfit and doing my makeup and I'm excited for the challenges the day may hold.

The other day, I woke up and chose myself. I decided that other people's opinions of me should not stop me from being my authentic self unless I'm hurting someone, and I've never heard of any time when being bubbly and kind has caused any harm. 

I'm entering into a new era of speaking up for myself and knowing my own worth. 

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I'm the one who will set the standard for how I'm perceived by making it clear what I will and will not tolerate when it comes to other people's behavior toward me.

Let's be clear: it is impossible for someone to be liked by everyone. I don't need to be liked, I just want the decency of basic human respect. That's all I want. Like anything else, this new journey will be a process, but it's something I need to embark on. It will be uncomfortable, but change is rarely anything but that. â€‹

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I think of the girls I grew up with in a conservative church, the coworkers I left behind, and the many young men and women who are growing up today. We let so many other people control what we think about ourselves.

We tolerate what we have to for a paycheck and think it can't be better anywhere else.

​We let TikTok or Instagram set the standard for who we need to be as a person or content creator. We let people tell us that being confident is egotistical or arrogant. It's not right, and it won't get better until we speak up and demand basic human respect.

I hope if you're reading this and you're in a place where you aren't happy or you feel disrespected that you start making the moves you need to make to get out. Don't let disrespect go unrecognized. Know when to say something and when to let it roll off your back. But please, never tie your life or your worth to the opinions of others. You're worth so much more than that. â€‹